A Note on Grief

Grief is a part of life.  Period.  There is no escaping a life without heartache, in fact, a life without heartache would be half a life, in my opinion.  It is through trial, grief, and the general "tough stuff" that one's true colors tend to come through, you (hopefully) learn about yourself and grow in the process.  I see families grieve on a relatively frequent basis in my line of work and every death is different and special.  I hear (and say) all of the old stand-bys, "She's in a better place celebrating with the Lord", "He is no longer suffering", "She is at peace now",  and I say them in all sincerity.  But it doesn't change the fact that death and grief is hard.

I have experienced some really tough deaths in my short, rapidly approaching, 30 years.  I  have lost friends to tragic accidents, stood by friends as they said good-bye to parents much too soon, celebrated the 96 years my great-grandmother spent on this earth, and cried with the families of my patients as we held their hands during their last breath.  And each one is different.  I suppose that is to be expected since every relationship and circumstance is unique.  I've also learned a lot about myself and how to manage the grief as I've gotten older.

My grandpa died when I was 9 and I curled up in my parents bed and cried, then cried with my cousins at the funeral, though maybe not really understanding what it all really meant, I just knew I was sad.  I kept one of his flannel shirts nearby for a few years, as well as a ribbon from his funeral.  When I was 18 I stood by dear friends as they processed the grief of losing  a parent tragically, as well as shed many tears of my own over the incredible sadness of it and felt empathy on a deeper level.  At 19 I lost a very dear friend to a tragedy.  We gathered together as friends on many occasion to reminisce and toast our lost comrade.  But I still don't think I really processed his death in a healthy way.  It took a few years after his death but I began to realize that you must recognize and respect your grief, otherwise it will find a way to rear it's ugly head and leave you a sobbing mess, and did very often once my defenses were down after a night on the town.

As I have allowed this realization to grow I have tried to put it in to practice.  It's ok to be sad and sometimes you may not know why.  Every year in September and January I get a little melancholy and it always takes me a bit to realize it's the anniversary of a loved ones' passing.  Now I find that if I say to myself "wow, I'm still sad about that" and just sit with the sadness for awhile I feel better, the love you felt/feel deserves time to be remembered.

Unfortunately I find myself faced with grief once again after the passing of my Aunt this week.  It's especially hard being so far away.  I've been very busy since the I received the news with the events of last weekend as well as busy and long shifts at work.  Today was my last shift before heading home and I found myself feeling very agitated and uncomfortable towards the end of the work day.  No real work reason, all my patients were doing well, I had all my charting done, I was ready to go.  Then I realized that was why I was feeling anxious.  My work was almost done and that meant it was time to grieve and allow that sadness to be the main focus for the next few days. Not exactly something to look forward to, but still very necessary. It's time to grieve and process, part of the reason I felt compelled to share a very personal blog post.  I will devote the next four days to celebrating the life of my aunt, recognizing the love we shared as a family, and supporting my cousin as she says good-bye to her Mother.  And I'm going to be sad.  Probably for awhile.  And that's OK. 

GABF and other news

It has been a busy Fall so far in our neck of the woods and only getting busier as we are booked solid through Thanksgiving!  Wow how time flys when you're having fun.  Fall is my favorite season by far.  I love the scents, colors, chilly weather, and, most of all, I love the fall beers.  Pumpkin, Oktoberfest, Harvest, if it has anything to do with Fall in the title chances are I'll dig it.  In preparation for Oktoberfest some girlfriends and I participated in a stein-hoisting competition at our weekly girls-only beer club called Beer Bettys.  The winner got to advance to the semi-finals at our local Oktoberfest and continue to advance until the finals, the winner got a trip to Munich next year to attend the real Oktoberfest.  So I was pretty sure I was going to discover I had this amazing hidden talent and win us a vacation

Arm straight at 90 degrees, no leaning!

Alas, I only lasted about 2 minutes, it was hard!  The female winner last year did 20 minutes.  Oh, well, I guess I don't have a future in stein-hoisting.  We still had fun. 

This weekend we had our "Big Daddy of them all" beer weekend.  It started with Eric finally sitting for his big-wig beer expert exam called the Cicerone Level II.  It's basically a Sommolier for beer.  He's been studying for the past year and was sponsored by his employer.  So there was a little pressure.  The test was 4 hours long and included a written portion of 200 fill in the blank, short answer, and essay questions (no multiple choice there!), and then a tasting portion to identify off flavors, and specific styles.  He left the test with mixed feelings, as anyone who has taken a big licensing exam usually does.  But overall feels like he gave it his best shot and hopes he'll get good news in six weeks.  Six weeks!  I would have gone crazy if I had to wait that long to find out if I passed the NCLEX! 

While he was taking this tortuous exam I decided to have a relaxing day in Denver.  I started at civic center park near the governement building.  This made me smile.

Then headed to the Denver Art Museum.  I have never been to a museum by myself before and it was a lovely experience.  I could take my time on the stuff I enjoyed and zip through the exhibits that I didn't care for as much.  Like Modern Art.

Yep, foxes disrupting red dinner tables.  Don't get it.

I always love all the ancient artifacts and marvel at the fact that they were made so long ago, like 400 AD.  I wonder how their makers would feel about them being on display?  And just the amazing detail that is still visible.

From Pre-Columbo times, Mexico

India

 There was also a great exhibit to Native American art. 

This was actually a mask! 

Cradle Boards

Then I enjoyed a lovely lunch at the, somewhat pretentious but delicious, restaurant on site.  Then I finished up my visit to the museum by ending at my favorite exhibit, the European art.  I visited the paintings that almost feel like my old friends at this point, as I visit them each time I come here. 

Renoir

Forgot the artist but love the painting

Pissarro

Picasso

And my favorite, Monet

I left the museum feeling like I had a great time all by myself, something I think everyone should do from time to time.  I then went to pick up Eric and we prepared for Great American Beer Fest!

579 Breweries, 2,000+ beers, and lots and lots of beer-loving people.  This is the 4th or 5th year we've gone, and we have a great time.  Stand-outs include our obvious favorites like New Glarus, Russian River, Lost Abbey, and of course all our local breweries.  But we always find a new gem.  This year it so happened to be a brewery called Destihl that brews in Normal and Champaign, IL!  They had some amazing sour beers and I plan to pay them a visit when I am there next week.  We thouroughly enjoyed ourselves, as will happen when surrounded by delicious beer. 

Temporary tattoos are fun for adults too!

This is what I got when I said "Strike a pose!"

 

For anyone that is a beer lover, I highly suggest this event be added to your bucket list, come out and we'll make sure you have a great time! 

So now we wait for test results and Eric is on a beer studying break.  That about sums up our lives these past few weeks.  I hope you all are finding some fall fun as well, if you need a good pumpkin beer might I suggest the Lakefront Brewing Pumpkin Ale?