End of Life Lessons

They don't teach you everything in nursing school.  Granted, we discuss most general nursing topics and learn and demonstrate most skills in the labs, but we graduated knowing that you may not place an NG tube or suction a tracheostomy on a real live person in clinicals before you become an RN.  I've learned this quickly that you must just jump in with confidence and do it, even if you have never done it before or only once or twice (and don't ever tell the patient that you've never done it because you have, just not on a live person!).  Nursing school does prepare you to critically think and apply knowledge and you'll get through it, just "fake it til you make it".  Fortunately I did get the opportunity to perform most "skills" while still in school with the support of a "real" nurse.  But some skills aren't taught.

We all know that death is an inevitable part of life.  I have lost many loved ones and grieved those individuals on a personal level.  Being the nurse though is a very different role.  I was dreading my first patient death but knew that it was looming and would happen eventually.   I will always remember this gentleman.  He was a new patient to us and I only cared for him for 2 shifts, he was very sick and declining rapidly.  I knew my responsibility to him was to keep him comfortable, which was the easy part.  I had a great charge nurse that night that was ready to support me as I crossed this bridge in my new career.  I found that the family members holding vigil were also my patients.  I checked on them frequently, drug extra matresses out of storage and set them up in the lounge so they could take turns napping, kept the coffee brewing, tracked down a classical music CD.  Anything that came to mind for their comfort or his I suggested and happily obliged.

When the end came it was very peaceful.  I found myself very emotional though, not out of sadness for the patient, he was no longer in pain, but for the family.  Regardless of the medical situation this was their husband, dad, brother, grandfather and they were saying good-bye.  When they all hugged me and thanked me multiple times I was surprised and slightly taken off guard, I has just done what I thought was my job but it ended up being so much more than that.   I was humbled.  To be able to support this family at such a definitive moment in their lives was a true honor and there was beauty to behold in the peaceful passing of a soul.

I have had the honor of being present at the end of life on 2 more occasions and continue to be overwhelmed and honored to witness the love that is present during these times.  I don't think that hospice nursing is my calling, I'm a little too sensitive to emotional life events (I mean really, I cry at baptisms?!).  But, I am embracing these opportunities and hope that I never become desensitized to honoring the end of a life and the lessons there are to be learned from it.